Do you ever wonder what else is to do other than comparing yourself to others? At work or at social circles, you find yourself feeling ‘uneasy’ when someone achieves a goal, wins a metaphoric trophy and can’t help notice you are slightly embarrassed about it. Nonetheless you may be justifying these emotions because you are driven, competitive and goal oriented.
You may have related to these feelings partially or maybe saying “Yes! That’s me” by now. Either way, here is some a-ha moment worthy advice I recently got. This was fully triggered by me reading “7 Habits of Highly Effective People”, Habit -2 and discussing it with someone who I believe to be very principle centered.
I don’t know the exact reasons of why many of us start ‘comparing’ our success to others. It may be the school system that ‘grades’ every student and gives a sense of accomplishment if you excel at certain subject. It may be your parents comparing you to friends’ or relatives’ kids throughout your childhood. It may be compensation systems that are based on ‘relative performance’ of peers to determine your bonus for the year. It may be receiving attention from girls/boys when you had more possessions (*replace it with car/clothes etc) than your peer group. There are so many stressful life situations that can lead you to the script of constant comparison of ‘Winner vs. Loser’s’ mindset. Zero Sum Game. If you wear that Z.S.G. goggle, every single person in a math class that earned an ‘A’ will be a loser – OK maybe not a loser but at least, NOT a winner. That is not a common situation of course and it is hypothetical to make a point. The point is Z.S.G mindset is a defective mindset to lead a life that is lived purposefully and a life that is satisfying. By pegging your success to other’s level of success, you are simply limiting yourself and your true self-worth.
Nature always sets good examples for us to learn from. Never ever, a walnut tree tries to be coconut. Never ever, a rose tries to be lilac. Never ever, a scorpion tries to be a fish. Never ever a bear tries to be lion. Never ever a forest is composed of all lions, neither composed of all deer either. There is a need for every unique skill and unique being.
Hopefully knowing that helps set a new mindset, a mindset that values setting ‘personal’ objectives and goals. And sometimes more than goals, setting principles that do not change, regardless of external conditions or circumstances. Principles which enables you to see where you want to go and how you will get there.
A true center, timeless and solid.
Only when you follow your own principles, your own right & left brain directed at a subject, you become determined, motivated and driven. Your power center is activated, your sense of security is based on solid grounds and you are guided by your own passionate core.
Hammis (Turkish for long story short/ moral of the story): Passionate bear beats competitive bear every day of the year 🙂